Robert Rinder: Watching others panic-buying heart-shaped Valentine’s tat makes me happy to be single

Natasha Pszenicki
Rob Rinder @RobbieRinder8 February 2021
WEST END FINAL

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As part of my job, I’ll often find myself discussing highly emotive subjects — death, say, or what happened in the Strictly make-up room. I love to talk (mostly so I don’t have to listen to other people) and, as a rule, I never hold back. Quite the opposite. If you’re not gasping in real shock while we chat, either something’s gone wrong or you’re the Queen.

That said, when I speak to bigger crowds, I’ve always considered it good manners to let people know something meaty might follow. Some of my tales from, say, the murder trial days can get quite spatter-heavy. These aren’t trigger warnings, per se, they’re more like rhetorical weather forecasts … advising you to put on your intellectual raincoats.

I certainly do think we can get too sensitive about other people’s reactions and it can be counter-productive. A single friend of mine was contacted recently by his supermarket, which offered to unsubscribe him from all their Valentine’s emails. “While some people will want to celebrate,” the message said, “we understand that others may not be interested”.

It was as if the supermarket had become one of those shrugging grandmas, the type who have written you off as permanently single and whisper about relationships so you don’t get upset. I’m sure they meant well, but being sensitive just made him feel worse. For myself, I say bring on every bit of the Valentine’s hoo-ha. Watching people panic-buying heart-shaped tat is one of the things that makes me feel happy being single.

There are a few bits of romance I do still like. One of them — oddly — is the long, thoughtful love letter. I say “oddly” because I’m first and foremost a texter: nearly all communication (amorous or otherwise) is a half dozen misspelled words and a cluster of random emojis. When I really get going, you can barely see my thumbs move.

But I still adore the old-fashioned method of setting pen to paper. A few times I’ve been lucky enough to take part in a charity event — Letters Live — where historical letters are read out by people far more famous than me (I get asked when someone better drops out). It’s a chance to revel in ideas too nuanced and reflective for aubergine emojis. Even though I’d suspected such personal notes had gone for good, friends tell me that during lockdown, proper letters and emails have had a sudden revival. It turns out old-school courting just makes more sense when physical contact is forbidden. As John Donne had it: “More than kisses, letters mingle souls” … entirely perfect for the age of the face mask.

One of the people who set up Letters Live was Benedict Cumberbatch. I’ve known Ben forever, and officially love everything he does. But I’m especially proud of his new film, The Mauritanian, coming out later this year. It tells the story of the detention of Mohamedou Ould Salahi — held in Guantanamo without charge for over a decade.

It’s an incredible movie addressing ideas of vast importance about justice, liberty and tolerance. It also holds a vital message about challenging our most strongly-held biases. One character (I won’t spoil it by saying who) begins wholly confident about the role of their government but keeps just enough open-mindedness to change their mind by the end. It’s a reminder to be ready always to listen to other people’s points of view … a lesson we need now more than ever. I can’t wait for everyone to see it.

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